WALK
After this there was a Jewish festival, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate in the north city wall is a pool with the Aramaic name Bethsaida. It had five covered porches, and a crowd of people who were sick, blind, lame, and paralyzed sat there. A certain man was there who had been sick for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, knowing that he had already been there a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” The sick man answered him, “Sir, I don’t have anyone who can put me in the water when it is stirred up. When I’m trying to get to it, someone else has gotten in ahead of me.” Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Immediately the man was well, and he picked up his mat and walked. John 5:1-9
The Danger of Inaction
In this account of Scripture, there were many people waiting for movement in water at a specific pool. Ill people came believing if they could be first to step in the water after it was stirred, they would be healed. A certain man was distraught because he struggled to get to the water first. Little did he know, his healing was not contingent on a resource, but on the Source Himself. Until he put his faith in Jesus, he remained in an endless cycle. I, too, took a similar path: see something, then take action. In both of our situations, Jesus offered a better alternative: take action to see something change.
In this passage, I don’t just see a man who struggled with a condition for 38 years. I see myself, a college student who struggled with her own condition for many years. My experience with porn and masturbation can be summed up with this reflection: Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay. My casual curiosity for these vices opened the door for an introduction to porn in high school, which culminated with a habit I struggled with in college.
Though I gave my life to Christ at a young age, this sin dehydrated my relationship with the Lord. Being on my own in college led me to re-evaluate my faith and ask hard questions that pushed me to the edge of leaving the faith. Is Jesus really God? Is being a Christian the “right” faith? What if I only believed in Jesus because I was told to? I sought truth in so many places, including athiest blogs. The search culminated with a desperate cry out to God: “You know I am a visual person. If you are really God, speak to me through a dream. Then I will know you heard me and honored my request.” Days later, the Lord answered my prayer.
In this dream, I was surrounded by complete, black darkness. Hovering over me was a starved, yet large and lanky creature. Its skin was a pale shade of yellow and wrapped tightly its around bones giving it a malnourished appearance. Appearing to be very personification of death, it towered and salivating over me. The creature opened its mouth and wrapped it around my head. In response, I began reciting the one scripture I knew at the time. As I repeated the scripture over and over, this creature began to vomit me out of its mouth. The same starved being that once salivated over me could no longer stomach me. Once its mouth was off my head, I began shouting the scripture until the creature began to shrink. At the end of the dream, the creature and I had switched positions. It was no longer towering over me. I increased in stature the more I spoke God’s word, ultimately giving me victory over my enemy. When I woke up, I knew the dream was from the Lord. I did not fully understand it, but it was real enough to convince me that the Lord was responding. I can look back on this dream and see how clearly it painted one of the first warnings given by the Lord in scripture:
If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it. Genesis 4:2
This dream marked the beginning of my renewed walk with Christ. As the Lord began repairing our relationship, it came with a command to lay aside every weight holding me back from living well (Hebrews 12:1-2). Porn and masturbation were at the top of the list. For many years, I convinced myself I was entitled to these habits because I was abstaining from sex until marriage. However, I could not deny the darkness that invaded my heart each time I chose sin. It created a wedge between me and the Lord, which led me to hate it. The battle between my flesh and my spirit was violent, and I felt powerless to win. Little did I know, I would have my own John 5 moment with Jesus right in my dorm room.
Do You Want to be Made Well?
While others were waiting on healing, the Healer set His eyes on this sick man and posed a question dripping in grace and mercy: “Do you want to be made well?” On the surface, the question seems rhetorical. One of my favorite Bible teachers, Kristi McLelland sheds some light on why Jesus asked:
What He’s really saying is: “I can heal you, but are you ready to steward the healing I can give? Are you ready to learn to walk, and walk well?” A person with a physical malady who cannot work probably did not receive an education because they were not going to need one. They spent their life as a professional beggar. Now we begin to understand the compassion behind Jesus’ question. This man would no longer be allowed to beg. He would now be held accountable for working and making a living. Without a proper education, he would work twice as hard to establish himself as a productive member of society.
When Jesus performed miracles, He required participation. That participation never ends in the moment, but propels the person into a changed life. Jesus knew that once this man was healed, he would be responsible for stewarding his healing. He would have to find a job and leave his previous life that was marked by begging. Jesus does not just change the moment. He changes the heart and empowers us to live differently. For this man, the new life involved walking again. For me, my new life involved walking away from pornography and masturbation forever.
One day after returning from class, I gave into sin once more. That same darkness I grew to hate began to invade my heart. I knew Jesus died for these very mistakes, but there was an eerie pit in my stomach about the lifestyle I was making of it. A cloud of shame began to invade my mind as I loathed the aftermath. It saturated my heart and kept me at a distance from my heavenly Father. In loving mercy, the Lord opened my eyes to see the grip pornography and masturbation had on me was powerful enough to change the trajectory of my life. The effects had already began to manifest in many ways:
A lack of intimacy with the Lord and inability to hear His voice.
An insatiable desire for sin that drifted me deeper into vile categories of pornography.
A new, developing sexual attraction toward women.
Quenching the Holy Spirit who dwelled inside me as a believer.
Fed up with my own sin and ready, I got up and went to my bathroom. I believe the Holy Spirit met me there. That visual lit a fire in me, shook me to my core, and knocked me to my knees. A holy fear unlike anything I have ever felt began to boil in my spirit, and I cried out to the Lord for help. With tears and a repentant heart, I acknowledged my inability to be made whole on my own. I no longer grieved the loss of pleasure this sin temporarily gave me. What remained was an utterly sharp disgust for what was separating me from a full life in Christ.
Rise, Take Up Your Bed, and Walk
Jesus and this lame man both knew what would be required after his healing. With faith, he responded with a resounding “yes” to the command of the Lord: “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” He could have allowed doubt or his past to keep him from putting his faith in action to stand up. Instead, he got up and walked because of the faith he placed in Jesus. Similarly in my college dorm room, I got up from my bathroom floor, and walked into freedom. My cycle was broken, and I never returned to porn or masturbation again. What enabled me to exit the endless loop of sin was mustard seed faith in my cry out to Jesus. In parallel, we must not forget our role in receiving freedom: Rise, take up your bed and walk. The word "walk” in the original language of this text (Greek) is peripateō. It means:
To make one’s way, to progress.
To make due use of opportunities.
To live; to regulate one’s life.
To walk, then, is not just a charge to passively enjoy the healing, deliverance, and blessings God provides. It is to assume an active role in partnership with the Lord each day. Just as this man was called to a new life, so I was also called to change my lifestyle. To make full use of the opportunity Christ has given me, I would have to start regulating my life and progressing past my old habits. Four things are essential:
The Word of God. Reading the Word of God is like investing money in your bank account. You must do it proactively, and you cannot wait to do it when you need it most. We hide God’s Word in our hearts “so that we may not sin against Him.” We are most vulnerable to the enemy when we do not have a reservoir of scripture in our hearts. In moments of temptation, Jesus overcame Satan with the Word of God. Without investing time regularly, we will have nothing of power to withdraw when the enemy attacks us. Never be caught without your sword. When I need to be reminded of its power, I visualize what John described in Revelation 19:15. From the mouth of Jesus Himself comes a sharp sword. Inasmuch, we should take up the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.
Prayer. It is one of the temptations of the devil to tell you not to pray when you do not feel like praying. Pray twice as much then. Spurgeon’s reflection of prayerlessness points to the urgency of prayer specifically when there is no desire to do so. If you struggle to pray, start with inviting the Holy Spirit and asking Him to help you pray. When talking with God, honesty is always the best policy. Jesus is the most authentic person you will ever meet. Make an honest attempt to match His energy and open your heart transparently before Him. With a sincere heart of faith, He will meet you and help you. For more on prayerlessness, check out When You Don’t Feel Like Praying.
The Holy Spirit. Jesus did nothing apart from the Holy Spirit. If the living God chose not to forfeit a single moment of his earthly ministry to living apart from the Holy Spirit, we would be foolish to think we cannot rely on the power Christ died to give us. The same Spirit who raised Jesus from the dead is available to you each day. Theodor Hesburgh sums it up this way: “My best daily prayer continues to be ‘Come Holy Spirit.’ No better prayer, no better results: much light and much strength. “When the enemy comes in like a flood.
Accountability. We overcome the enemy and all darkness by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. We have already discussed the blood of Jesus. Once we believe this, we silence the enemy by choosing to not be silent about our struggles. Because there is no condemnation in Christ, we can openly walk through the messiness of our sin toward freedom with others who also love Christ. I would not had the courage to voice my struggles without a transparent friend who was willing to go first. Gabrielle Eggleston, you will never know the impact your life has had on me. I praise the Lord for a friendship like ours that changed my life and attracted me to Jesus.
A Prayer for You
Lord, I pray for the person who is reading these words. You love them deeply, and You know their needs. You are both willing and able to help them walk in freedom from all that could hold them back from intimacy with You. You promise that wherever Your Spirit is, there is freedom. Help us, Father, to walk in the freedom your Son Jesus died and rose to give us. We choose to boast in our weaknesses so that Your power can be made perfect in us. We ask for your help not by our own might or power, but by your Spirit. Teach us through Your Word and prayer how to rely on You each day. As they do, lead them to those who will walk with them in love, transparency, and accountability. We pray all these things in the name of Jesus. Amen.
If you do not know Jesus, He is your first step to victory. I invite you to pray this prayer aloud, fully believing these words: Lord Jesus, I need You. I ask for Your forgiveness for my sins and choose this day to turn away from them. Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God. Wash me clean in the blood you shed for me on the cross. I receive Your promise of the Holy Spirit now to help me live my new life for You. Thank You for the gift of eternal life that I now receive as your child.
If you prayed this prayer from your heart, you are now born again. You have a fresh start because of the power of the cross, and today begins your personal walk with Jesus Christ. Please share your good news with me here. I want to hear your story!
